Saturday, January 19, 2008

Emotional Warfare And Divorce

What is "emotional warfare" in divorce?

Emotional warfare in divorce is making efforts to hurt the other persons feelings. For example, showing up at the baseball field with a new Trixie on your arm, or criticizing your ex for looking fat or ugly, or for being a terrible mother. Emotional wars in divorce are not always engaged in intentionally. Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's unintentional, sometimes it's conscious, and sometimes it's subconscious.

Are emotional divorce wars intentional?

Engaging in emotional wars during a divorce can be intentional, unintentional, conscious or unconscious. Let me give you an example. You can say to your ex, "You've never looked this good." And you mean that as a compliment, but it's a backhanded compliment. Their reaction is: "What do you mean? I didn't looked good before?"

What is an "emotional attacker" in divorce?

An emotional attacker in a divorce is one who is trying to inflict emotional pain on the other person. An emotional attacker in a divorce would make nasty comments like, "you're fat", "you've never looked better", designed to make them think they've looked terrible before. Or, "that dress doesn't flatter your figure" or, "you're a lousy mom", the like. It's so easy to do. You can resist being an emotional attacker by checking yourself and doing what's necessary not to engage in those emotional barbs that so easily come out of our mouths.

What is an "emotional defender" in divorce?

The emotional defender in a divorce is the one who is emotionally attacked, the one who is the victim of somebody trying to hurt their feelings. You can resist being an emotional defender by not engaging in the process, causing your ex or soon-to-be ex to continue the emotional barbs. You can be constructive in the process and try to work with your ex by deflecting, or turning those bad comments around.

How do I protect myself from emotional warfare in a divorce?

You protect yourself from emotional attacks by your spouse or former spouse during a divorce by recognizing what it is for what it is. Try not engage or do the tit for tat, one-upmanship. Realize that somebody's acting out and trying to hurt you and they win if they succeed.

What is "retaliation" in emotional warfare in divorce?

Retaliation in emotional warfare is returning that heart attack. You can protect yourself from retaliation and emotional warfare by not retaliating yourself. If your ex starts, don't engage and dont' respond. If you respond, they respond and you just keep upping the anti.

1 comment:

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