Monday, January 7, 2008

How To Prevent Infidelity

How do I know if my marriage is vulnerable to infidelity?

There are some vulnerabilities that can lead you or your partner to an affair. Lets look at the personal ones first. The personal vulnerabilities are who you hanging out with? If your hanging out with a lot of single friends going to places where there is a lot of single people, thats vulnerable! If your relationship at home is not neccessarily connecting or communicating, that is vulnerability. If you are working late hours and developing deep friendships with co-workers of the opposite sex; that's another vulnerability. If your relationship has suddenly turned more child centered, and suddenly all your focus is towards the family and there is not a lot going towards each other; that can make one or both of you vulnerable to seeking attention outside the relationship. Take a look at your sex life, are you feeling it? Are you spending time together intimately. If not, that could pose a vulnerablitilty where you seek those needs outside. These are just a few of the vulnerabilities that can weaken your relationship and open you up to seeking your needs outside.

Should I avoid friendships with people I'm highly attracted to?

I'm often asked. Okay, I ‘ve got a gorgeous friend and I'm kind of attracted to her, but I'm married; is it okay to pursue this friendship? Come on what do you think? Do you not think this is a huge vulnerability? Come on, take a look at the situation. You're attracted to this person, and you're developing a friendship. the friendship means that you're opening up, you're sharing and you're attracted to this person. This is a path that's very dangerous. Look at all the energy that's its going to take to not fall in love, and to not be sexual. Even in that tug of war, you're taking it away from your family, and you're taking that energy away from your spouse. If you can take this desire to connect with this friend and make your spouse this friend and take this energy and connect with your spouse. It's going to be better energy served and there's going to be lots more in return. Stay away from the friend that you're attracted to if you're married.

How can I "affair-proof" my marriage?

The way to "affair-proof" your marriage is to make your marriage strong. It's about trust, it's about open communication, it's about intimacy and about sharing with each other who you are. Take time to spend time together. Make love deposits into the bank account of your marriage. Look at what is positive, tell each other everyday what you are grateful for. That not only makes your partner feel good, but makes you feel good, too. Find some common things that you can do together. Integrate your lives more so that you are an integral and integrated part of your social life, not only your married life. Come home every night. When it comes to traveling, bring your partner with you as much as you possibly can. Build your relationship. It's going to give you such a strong foundation and it's just going to make your love grow. When there's love at home that is strong, who needs more outside?

How do I avoid cheating on my spouse?

How to avoid cheating on your spouse is an issue because we all know that fidelity is a virtue, but it's truly a learned skill. Fidelity is not something we're born with and is something inherited. You've got to learn to be faithful to your bond in order to avoid cheating on your spouse. Your bond has to have more meaning than this desire that may be pulling you away from it. So, how do you avoid cheating? One, know your vulnerabilities, know what it is that makes your eyes or heart stray or know that desire to start giving your heart to someone else. Understand that you are going to be tempted. Avoid temptation, avoid situations that make you tempted. Do not put yourself in a situation where you're going to be meeting people alone, with your wedding ring off. Make sure that your wedding ring is on display, not only for the world to know, but for you to remember, "Oh yes, fidelity, bond, integrity, promise." Wear that wedding ring on your heart and in your mind as well as on your finger.

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