Saturday, January 19, 2008

Outside Influences During Your Divorce

What are the most common types of outside influencers in a divorce?

There are three negative outside influencers in a divorce. The meddlers, the troublemakers, and the pot stirrers. There are two possitive outside influencers in a divorce. The hands off, or the neutrals, or the supporters.

What is the difference between a "meddler", "troublemaker" and "pot-stirrer" in a divorce?

The meddler, the troublemaker and the pot-stirrer are different levels of the same type of personality. The meddler may be your mom who is sticking her face in trying to help. The troublemaker will shake it up a little bit e.g. your mom, thinking she is helping, will call your ex and give him piece of her mind and then the pot-stirrer takes it to the next level.

What is a "neutral party" in a divorce?

A neutral is somebody who won't take sides. Sometimes that's helpful, sometimes that's frustrating. It may be somebody who is good friends with both of you. it may be a therapist. It could be your mom, who is there to be your support system, which is the next level up, which is somebody who is helpful and supportive. Sometimes the best way you can support is by not getting involved.

What is a "supporter" in a divorce?

A supporter is there to support you, shore you up, give you advice when asked when needed, to be a positive influence, and a shoulder to cry on. Somebody who can help you with the process, whether it's doing errands for you or being there just to talk. Somebody who has no ax to grind, is not doing it for their well-being but is being a good friend or good mate, good therapist, good sibling, a good parent. They're the best.

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