Monday, January 7, 2008

Infidelity And Cyber Affairs

What are some signs that my spouse may be having a cyber affair?

Here are some signs that your partner may be having an affair, a cyber affair or cyber sex on the internet. One, you can see your partner have multiple email addresses that you don't have access to. Your partner may move the computer away from the public area to a private area. They may get very edgy when you get near the computer. They may be spending more and more time on the computer. They may be more distant when they come off the computer, They may be now not doing a lot of things they used to do because they are spending time on the computer. They are not hanging out with friends and most importantly, they are not hanging out with you or your kids . They are not doing their household duties and are getting a little edgy unless they are on the computer. Those are signs that they are not only addicted to the internet but chances are something else is going on while they are on the internet.

What's the line between flirting and a cyber affair?

Sometimes we may be innocently on the internet, pursuing our interest, when we meet somebody who is pursuing the same interest. We start talking, and finding out more and more, and it becomes a mild flirtation. Sometimes the question is, "What is the harm of mild flirtation and how do I know when it's actually more that a mild flirtation?" My answer is: "What are you doing flirting with someone who is not your partner?" Because there is a thrill that happens in those kind of interactions, and the problem is that it is like a match in a dry forest, and can evolve and burn into something else. Here are some signs that it is quickly turning from a flirtation into a cyber affair or a cyber sexual affair. Firstly, it is going be harder and harder to stay away from the computer. You're going to want more and more contact with this person. You may also be starting to fantasize about this person, wondering what they look like, and even fantasizing about meeting the person. Maybe you are starting to share, outside of your common interest, more and more about your personal life. You're also excluding your partner from this when the communication is developing into a cyber affair. You are not telling your beloved, your partner, your spouse about this little interaction. What is going to start happening is that once you get more addicted - yes, addicted - to this affair it will be harder to stop. You're going to want to chat more, you're going to want to maybe even talk to this person on the phone. You may want to meet the person. What happens during a cyber affair is that you are going to find yourself getting aroused by, or more and more attracted to, this phantom, and less attracted to your partner. These are all really dangerous signs that online flirting has gone too far, and it is time to stop.

What can I do to stop my cyber affair?

If you're having an online affair and want to stop, basically you're going to have to stop going online so much. You're going to have to break your addiction to the website, to the person, and to the computer where you're having your affair. That means, if you have to use your computer, use it in work related situations, when your family is around, or when you go, "Oh, I have a reason to check e-mail". Go do something else, go take a walk, breathe, because you may have some withdrawal symptoms. It's important for you to start interacting with your family, with your wife, and work on building that relationship. Take the energy that you were spending on your online affair and bring it back home to your relationship. You're going to find it be a lot more fulfilling, and the payoff to be much greater.

What can I do to stop my spouse's cyber affair?

You have busted your spouse and found out that they're having an online affair. You might have read an email or happened into the room and saw your spouse on a certain site, or maybe it's even crossed over and you're unsure as to whether your partner is physically cheating on you. Unfortunately, you're going to have to confront the situation and what you're probably going to get back is denial - absolute denial - because nobody wants to get caught having an affair and nobody wants to have their freedom impinged on. When you confront your partner about their online usage, the best thing to do is to come from love. Go, "I love you. I miss you. I'm hurting. This is what I believe. This is what I know and this is what I need." No matter what your partner says, because they're probably not going to go along with this, you have to persevere. They're going to try to turn it on you. They're going to try to say, "No. It's your fault. You're suspicious." When you know they're having an online affair, insist: "I love you. I want our relationship to work. This has got to stop. This is what I need."

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