Monday, January 7, 2008

Romantic Affairs In The Workplace

Why is it a bad idea to have affair with a coworker?

It is a bad idea to have an affair with a co-worker because the end could result in losing your job, it could be dangerous, and it could end in a lawsuit.
Why are workplace affairs so tempting and how can I avoid having one?
Your work can be a sexy place for affairs because affairs distract you. They can take something that's mundane and energise it. As you spend so much time at work and you're developing relationships, close relationships with co workers, you have a vulnerability. So, the most important thing to know is when you're vulnerable. The second most important thing to know is that you might be tempted; go in with this consciousness. The third most important thing is to make a commitment to you, and a silent or loud commitment to your partner, to come home every night; to wear your ring literally and figuratively; to be married at work; and to call your partner during the day if you are engaging in a water cooler flirtation. Leave. Take your water. Call your wife, call your husband. Start building more of a relationship at home to come home to, so if you're at work and you're feeling tempted at all, think about home, and think about what you want do with your wife. Take this energy and channel it toward your husband. You're vulnerable; know it and now take action to not be seduced by your vulnerability.

What do I do if I find myself attracted to someone I work with?

If you find yourself attracted to someone you work with, it's a really uncomfortable situation. You have to manage your attraction because your attraction is either going to lure them in, if it's mutual, or you could get into a lot of trouble at work. If there's a mutual attraction, it's going to lead you down a road that you don't want to go down, if that's going to create a mess at work and a mess at home. If it's a one-sided attraction, you need to manage it. There's a couple ways to do that. You can be honest: you can actually go home and work on this with your spouse. You can come clean, and say, "This is so weird. I'm kind of attracted to blah, blah, blah. I love you. I don't know what this is about." If you have the kind of partner that you can share these things with, chances are that attraction to someone at work will fade because you're taking it out of the secret into the light. If you're not comfortable bringing it home because your partner is going to go ballistic and want a divorce, then you need to make a decision about what is more important to you: is saving your marriage more important than having this mild fantasy with this phantom person at work? My hope for you is that you're going to choose to take this energy and bring it into your marriage and really stop yourself from having an attraction that goes any further than it is at this moment.

What do I do if I am attracted to my boss?

Having an affair is a bad idea. Having an affair at work is an even worse idea. Having an affair with your boss is probably the worst idea imaginable, because there's so much that is being threatened. Your security, your family's security plus uncomfortable talk on the other end of it. What happens if you have an affair, what happens if you take this attraction and you play it out, then what? Then you have to face your boss. Get out of this situation. Okay, you're attracted to your boss, there's some desire, and it's almost like Daddy and Mommy's paying attention to you. Okay, maybe you think you're going to get a promotion. Bad idea, this is not the way to earn your promotion, and it's not the way to get attention from this higher power. Go home, be with your partner. Start building that relationship because your attraction is a red flag that there's a need that is not being fulfilled at home. Go home, and try to get your needs met there and stop playing around with your boss.

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