Friday, September 19, 2008

The Dangers of Hovering around Your Children

Parents who hover are an easily recognizable thing. Think of the mom at the playground who won't let her children go down the slide. Think of your next door neighbor who drives her children to school, because she's scared that the school bus may get into an accident. Think of the Dad at the local Boy Scouts who won't allow his son practice knot-tying because he's scared that the child may accidentally strangle himself with rope.

In order to protect your children from the existing dangers that exist in the world today, you have to recognize the different between protection and being over-bearing. It becomes dangerous to a child's sense of well-being and their ability to make decisions and be responsible. It also affects the ability of these children to socialize with people within their peer group and handle any encounters or physical dangers that they may face.

When you are overprotective it can easily sap the confidence of your child without you getting to realize it. When you hover it prevents your children from experiencing the challenges and successes that children need to experience in order for them to grow into stronger and confident adults prepared to face the world. It is painful when your child is the only person who isn't invited to a party but rather than confronting the other parent and making it a compulsory matter, you should teach your child how to handle disappointment in life.

The term "helicopter parent" is becoming all the more prevalent on today's college campuses. Many baby boomer tend to find themselves interfering with the lives of their children in every single way possible bothering everyone from room mates to professors down to prospective employers. This may sound like something out of a book but you'll hear of many parents attending interviews with college graduates and calling prospective employers to learn why their children didn't get a particular job.

Being involved in the life of your child is a good thing, but running all the aspects of the life of your child is something else entirely. One author Mel Levin was parents especially those who he feels are trying to create children that will be unable to handle the travails of life now and in the future.

How do you know when you're going too far as a parent? These are some simple signs that you may be turning into a helicopter parent.

When you find yourself interfering too much with your children when they are playing. Small children may do different things in order to get their own way; they will fight push, kick and scratch. This is a way that they learn what make ups acceptable social behavior and what doesn't.

Whenever you're constantly trying to fix the hurt feelings of your child you may be coming overbearing. No one can be completely happy all the time. You should no when to step in and when not to. A lot of disappointments occur in life and the sooner that your children cope with these disappointments the better for them and for you. Teach them how to handle their disappointments in a more productive way.
When you're always in contact with your child you may be turning into an overbearing parent. It's perfectly normal to want to know where your children are but when you feel the need to contact them on their phone several times a day, then it may be going too far. Let your children handle their own schedules on their own and deal with the consequences whenever they fail to comply with things like remembering their own homework.
If you feel terrible with yourself whenever your child doesn't succeed then you have a problem. Your sense of self worth shouldn't be based on the success of your child.

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